[11 fan mades][9 MVs][update] From Stephe’s desk: Coming to y’all with Props In My Life.

Hey, everybody! How is 2019 treating you?

I hope you and your loved ones are happy, healthy, and warm, and that those of you suffering crazy storms in this month of March are safe and warm soon.

This past Saturday was the one-year anniversary of my brother Jim‘s catastrophic injury. Needless to say, 2018 was a year of hell for him, me, and our dad. And, 2019 has started off even worse, if you can believe that. However—

I will continue updating our Cloud USA media blog and social media and continue supporting RAIN to the best of my ability. My adoration and respect for our Magic Feet and his career has not lessened in the least from when I became a fan in 2006 and a Cloud in 2009. To tell you the truth, it’s even stronger. It’s like voodoo or something, ha ha! That Rain effect be potent, y’all!

I am a Cloud 4 Life.

Many of you have sent E-mails and messages wondering where I am, hoping my health hasn’t worsened, unsettled by the lack of blog posts. So, I feel it’s only right to let y’all know what happened.

Jim and I moved in with our elderly dad some time ago, to take care of him. When my blog and social media posts suddenly slowed down drastically last March (a shock, I know!), Jim was walking into Walmart to get household supplies and suffered a dissected aorta (that huge vein coming out of his heart unzipped). Somehow, he made it home through the pain. I’ve no idea how and I could’ve strangled him for not just calling 911. By the time he was airlifted to our trauma center and rushed into open heart surgery, the dissection had also shut down his right kidney and begun working on his carotid artery.

His surgeons were amazed he made it through the operation. They called him “Miracle Man.” He was in a coma for two weeks. Missed his birthday.


After coming off the ventilator, it took him seven more weeks to get rid of his tracheal tube and to talk again, get rid of his feeding tube, oxygen, irregular heart rhythms and super-high blood pressure, learn to stand again, learn to walk again, and get off of dialysis. He came home in May to recover with a rebuilt aorta and one kidney, four new doctors, a ton of appointments and rehab, blood thinners for life, and unable to work or drive.

A huge change for a workhorse of a man who’d never really been sick a day in his life.

With him and Daddy totally in my care, I had precious little time or energy for anything else, much less doing blog posts. But, we’d lost our little brother to cancer in 2008, and our mom to cancer in 2012, so all I cared was that Dad and I still had Jim.

While he’ll never be fully 100% again, he’s recovered well. We just need to keep watch on his aorta and his “ticker.”

Which is a blessing because of what’s happened now.

A few weeks before the end of the year, Daddy suffered a stroke. The damage to the speech, language, and cognitive centers of his brain is severe.

My heart is broken for him.

He has aphasia, and even on those days when his words mostly come out right, those words are still nonsensical because he’s in a different time and place in his mind, no longer in our present world. After leaving the hospital (around Christmas), he went into rehabilitation for 2 months, to see if any of his physical and mental skills could be brought back and how much.

Rehab discharged Daddy near the end of February because they’ve done all they can for him. He can walk on his own steam, and he’s strong. Mentally, though… If normal cognition, say you and me, is a 15, my father is now a 3.

Vascular dementia is irreversible, and terminal. The disease simply continues damaging your brain and internal organs bit by bit, making them forget how to work, until they shut down.

Image credit: aspe.hhs.gov

We have him back at his home because there’s literally nowhere for him to go, for now (memory care facility costs are $4000 a month and up). Until I can turn the situation around, Jim and I have to somehow keep him safe and well here, and keep ourselves out of harm’s way doing it.

Daddy can’t do anything for himself, needs 24-hour care, can’t respond to verbal commands, doesn’t know us or the house, doesn’t understand danger, can’t use eating utensils, has unpredictable moods and behaviors… the best way I can describe it is having a 180-pound 2-year-old that you can’t put in a playpen.

For the foreseeable future, my life has to revolve around bathings and dressings, feedings, extra cleanings, social worker/doctor visits, putting out Daddy “fires”, and trying to keep up with medical stuff for the three of us. I’m exhausted, and down some days. But, I’ll willingly do it for as long as it takes because my father and brother would do it for me.

Gosh, this post has gone on forever!
I’ll end it by sharing the motivational songs that have helped me get through this past year. I burned them all together on CD sometime last fall and played them incessantly, and still do today. They help get me up and going.

Rain, thanks for being such an inspiration and motivator by example. Cloud sisters, I’m still with you. Rain fans, I’ll be spending the next week or two getting our Cloud USA blog and media updated and to speed. See y’all online. My dad and brother have been Rain’s fans for years, and wouldn’t have it any other way. 🙂

Thanks for listening. ❤

Stephe @ cloudusa.blog / CloudUSA.org


Section: TO KEEP MY CHIN UP. ↓

• Fan made. Rain, “Props In My Life.” He’s singing in Japanese here. You can find this song on Rain’s second album released in Japan, Eternal Rain. and the English lyrics HERE. Gosh, I remember every picture in this video. What an emotional time those 21 months were. ❤ ^@@^

• Fan made. Rain, “My Way.” Lyrics are HERE. ^@@^

• MV. Rain, “I Love You” (사랑해). A song specially for us, his Clouds. Don’t forget to TURN ON video CCs for English subs! ❤ ^@@^

• MV. Rain, Busan Woman. Another song for his Clouds. If he was in concert, he would use that city’s name instead of “Busan.” What a guy. Lyrics are HERE. ❤ ^@@^

Section: DRIVING MUSIC/FIGHTING MUSIC. Play it loud. Turn it all the way up! ↓

• Fan made. BTS, “Outro: Tear.” RM, Suga, and J-Hope are pure magic, putting folks in their place, taking no mess. And the music accompaniment… just listen to those strings during the hook. I was already crazy about “Ddaeng” (땡, English translation: Ding!), but then this came along and knocked me over. The rap line and the flow is REAL. ^@@^

• MV. Rain, “깡 GANG.” Lyrics are HERE. Rain finally tooting his own horn, finally admitting that yes, he is king, but making it clear that no matter how tired or feeling down he gets, he will never stop grinding. He’s got the guts to keep digging deep, to keep going. Thumbs waaay up. ^@@^

• MV. TVXQ, “동방신기 ‘왜” (Keep Your Head Down).

• MV. SHINee, “Lucifer.”

• MV. SHINee, “Sherlock.”

Section: TO RELAX. Lowers my blood pressure. ↓

• Audio. Rain, “입에 달아” (Baby Baby). Track 2 on his MY LIFE album (2017). A gorgeous, romantic song that makes me smile. Funny story — The moment I noticed Google translated “입에 달아” as “put it in your mouth”, I damn near choked on air and ran to the nearest English lyrics, which translated it as “it’s always on my lips” which makes sense as the hook starts off, “It’s always on my lips, the three letters of your name.” Whew, happy to clear that up! LOL! ❤ ^@@^

• Fan made. V (a.k.a. Taehyung of BTS), “Intro: Singularity.” This is a song of a harmful love, love betrayed, love down the drain, and V’s deep voice (that cracks right where he wants it to) kicks my feels right up into my chest. Have mercy. ^@@^

• Fan made. Rain, “Slowly.” This song was on Rain’s first single release in Japan, along with the Japanese version of “Sad Tango.” Needless to say, the Korean censors would’ve died before releasing it in Korea. It’s a wonder the CD didn’t melt from the heat because, yes, he’s in the middle of doing exactly what you think he’s doing, very slowly, inch by inch, and giving her instructions. Yum. ^@@^

• Fan made. Rain, “Quiz.” Lyrics are HERE.

• Fan made. Rain, “Even You.” Lyrics are HERE.

• MV. NCT U, “The Seventh Sense.” OMG!!!!!! O_O

• Audio. Rain feat Bada, “Like You.” This is from his debut album and he was, like, 20 years old with that fine, whiskey voice. ^@@^

• MV. BTS, The Truth Untold. Jimin, Jungkook, Jin, and V are showing out, squeezing all the tragic love out of this song as if there’s no tomorrow. Good gravy! English lyrics are in the video and they will break your heart. ^@@^

Section: FAMILY FAVS. ↓

• Daddy’s favorite Rain song: “Love Is.” Lyrics are HERE.

• Jim’s favorite Rain songs: “Rainism” and “Hip Song.” Hip Song starts at 4:15! Rain was the most requested enlisted performer during his military stint, and regularly went where he was asked and boosted the morale of his fellow soldiers in addition to all of his required military duties. Poor tired puppy! AND for the record, Rain’s fellow soldiers were crazy about him, as this and many other videos PROVE. So there, netizens! Bwahahaha ^@@^

~ by Cloud USA on March 25, 2019.

6 Responses to “[11 fan mades][9 MVs][update] From Stephe’s desk: Coming to y’all with Props In My Life.”

  1. Je suis en retard d’1 ans , tellement prise avec le travail ! C’est vrai que l’avc est tellement dur , ma mère en fait 1 en 2009 , elle est paralysée du côté droit , et c’est du travail de s’en occuper . Je suis de tout coeur avec toi !! Fighting For you , you’re brother and you’re father !! Comme toi j’ai été heureuse que Rain soit là !! On ne le remerciera jamais assez ! Bious de France .


    • Hi, Lydie and thanks so much for your words of encouragement. So sorry about your mom and I hope things are better now? Absolutely, we cannot thank Rain enough for being such a good inspiration in our lives. You be will and take care, stay healthy and careful in these scary times now! Hugs from America —

      Salut, Lydie et merci beaucoup pour vos mots d’encouragement. Alors désolé pour ta maman et j’espère que les choses vont mieux maintenant? Absolument, nous ne pouvons pas remercier suffisamment Rain d’avoir été une si bonne inspiration dans nos vies. Vous serez volontaire et prenez soin de vous, restez en bonne santé et prudent en ces temps effrayants maintenant! Câlins d’Amérique —

      Stephe ^@@^


  2. I’m late. And Steph, I have no words 😢, only feelings and prayers 💔❤


  3. Fighting, Stephe!


  4. BIG HUUUUGS! It’s hard to tell people when you are going through things sometimes. Believe me. However, as your dongsaeng this upsets me greatly. Expect to hear from me……and I mean that with lotsa love! My warmest thoughts go out and continued prayers go up for Brother Jim and your dad. As always, God is in control. Take care my friend!



  5. Dear Stephe,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. Please take good care of your own health as well.


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